Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
