I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
