Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
