when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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