You really coming over, don't trick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
