Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
