batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
