I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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