So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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