I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
