so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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