Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
