every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
