when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
