he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
