Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
