the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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