No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
