I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize