I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
