Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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