She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
