you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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