I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
