I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
