Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
