Just fell off a train. Bad.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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