we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
