Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
