Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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