Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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