You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You can't motorboat a personality
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
