You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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