another moral hangover. fuck.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
