Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
