wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
