Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
