This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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