At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why is there bacon in the couch?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
