I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
