the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
