Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
