Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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