Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
