the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
