I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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