Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
