We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
