Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
