Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This baby is an asshole
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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